The Shelf Life of a Secret
Will the Shit Show ever end? Trauma leads to addictions. Survival mode often trumps any progress for mindfulness and healing. Manage your vices before it’s too late.
HARD COPY (PAPERBACK)
Are you tired of the never ending shit show? If so, you’re not alone. It’s not you. It’s your brain. All those stress hormones you were inadvertently given as a child forever altered the emotional part of your brain and left its traumatic imprint on your soul. When you least expect it, you are either paralyzed with fear or stuck in an uncontrollable blind rage. But what do you do about it? The Shelf Life of a Secret is NOT a self help book, and I’m not a therapist. This is a candid, raw, and brutally honest memoir written for all of us. It spans forty years of trying to make sense of an abusive past, trying to find a sense of normalcy, and trying to navigate the tricky waters of relationships, marriage, divorce, and parenting. Secrets should absolutely have a shelf life; otherwise, you may find yourself at the bottom of yet another bottle or perhaps six feet under. Why does a seemingly successful divorced mother of four have a ticking time bomb for a brain just waiting to sabotage everything in her life? What role does your childhood have in your everyday decisions? Why all the suicidal thoughts? Why all the addictions? Why does the wounded child unexpectedly appear needing to be loved? Are sex and intimacy the same? What is a love addict? Why are these childhood traumatic experiences still in my head? Why won’t they go away? When will I be normal? When will my brain calm the f*ck down? Why am I so uncomfortable being vulnerable? How much longer do I have to fight the painful core issues of abandonment, abuse and neglect? Why do Facebook posts of my father raising his other family still sting? Why did my mother stay married to the man who sexually assaulted me and then tell me, “You are ruining this family. Jesus has forgiven him and so have I”? So many unanswered questions. I finally realized I’m just messed up, but aren’t we all? At least a little? What do we do now and how do we quiet down our brains and find some sort of peace?
Wanda Means is a successfully divorced mother of four living a in a dual reality where she manages both her day to day life and contains the trauma triggers activated by a hormone filled amygdala. She is the author of her self described non-self help book but rather self-actualization memoir, “The Shelf Life of a Secret.” You can read her honest, raw, and occasionally witty rants on her blog, www.painfulwisdom.com or listen to her blunt yet thought provoking mouth on her appropriately named podcast, “One Blunt Woman.” As a current ice hockey player in her fifties and former volunteer youth sports coach, she believes in the power and purpose of sports.
As a student working toward her master’s degree in family therapy, her life’s commitment is to understand how childhood trauma makes an everlasting imprint on one’s soul. She wants to have real conversations no matter how uncomfortable about the sexual abuse of children, how to stop it, and most importantly, how to start the healing process so the inevitable shit show no longer has power over you.
Customer Reviews
Brutally honest, raw and real. It is so refreshing to hear this perspective. Highly recommend!
Steve keller
A raw and intentional memoir written as a conversation and not another self-help book. And that is because it is not a self-help book at all. It is an honest self-discovery book that focuses on Wanda’s personal journey towards healing. Wanda is as real as it gets and holds nothing back. She is witty yet brutally honest. Do yourself a favor and read this book.
Elizabeth Thomas
his book was very eyeopening and heartfelt. Hearing Wandas story was very moving and showed a side to sexual abuses that isn’t often talked about. I recommend this book to everyone, it truly shows how big of an impact traumatic events can have on someone’s life.
G Luter
This is a good book for survivors of sexual abuse. It helped me understand a family member who has suffered for years from her horrible childhood. Now if I can just get her to read it.
I had to read it a little bit at a time, it is an intense book. I highly recommend this book!
Wendy Aloha
I’m a verified purchaser of this book. I found it to be so inspirational, enlightening and considering the intensity of the content, actually quite funny at times. Wanda Means is “One Blunt Woman” and we can thank God for that. Finally a beautiful voice to children and adults who have gone through far too much in their lives and can find a way to the other side. Thank you Wanda.
Createwords
As an Attorney ad Litem for countless children, I see the incidences of child sexual abuse more often than most people would like to believe exist. That kind of abuse takes a toll that many adults can’t process sufficiently. The resulting confusion, shame, and anger often get tied up with mental health issues, addiction, and worse. What a courageous journey Wanda Means has shared in her book. I am hopeful that her book will help other victims to find their own courage, their own voices and their own triumphs. One person found this helpful