Have you ever had to make the decision to end the life of something you really love? Could you do it? Do you have the compassion to do it? Yes, I’m talking about a pet and not a human. Although, there are some humans I would have no problem making the decision.
Our sweet golden doodle who had been in our family for nearly 10 years had multiple seizures and the last one took away the life he knew. He was no longer able to function. Barely breathing, we made the decision to put him asleep as per the vet’s recommendation. As the word “euthanize” came out of her mouth, the tears came falling down my face. Unable to speak, she knew I needed the moment to compose myself to give permission to end the life of the only animal I have ever cared for in my 46 years. Sure, we had a few other dogs. But none of them ever affected me like Buckley. He slept by my bedside nearly every night for the past 10 years. I never had a dog as a kid and have never had to make the decision to end a life. Certainly never of that for something I cared for so deeply.
As the poisonous cocktail entered his body, my tears fell from my face onto his nose one drop at a time. And, as he took his last breath, I realized I’ve never felt this much pain losing something so meaningful to me. To my family. To my children. How will I tell them? Lil Rich is off to his naval boot camp and he didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. I am NOT looking forward to sharing this sad news with him when he gets home in a few days. Did we cheat him by not giving him the chance to see him alive for the last time? Did I cheat my others by not letting them in the room when she put him to sleep? Questions I will be asking myself for a long time. Never to find the right answer.
Is a child’s life incomplete without ever owning a dog?
Probably.
Perhaps a rite a passage that I never experienced. Certainly a compassion builder. If only I had more. Or any for that matter. Truth be told in no way did I inherit ANY from my parents. They would have to have some in order to pass the gene down to their children.
Luckily, for my children, the mutated gene made its way to their little souls. Especially my Emma. She is the one in the picture hugging Buckley at the top of the stairs Christmas morning back in 2008. Her little body has a million times more compassion than my mother. But, then again, a million times zero is still ZERO!
As we are eating lunch today and as the tears are streaming down Emma’s sweet face, my indignant mother looks at me, shockingly, unable to emote one simple sign of emotion. I break the news to her (again…as Emma told her last night) that we had to put Buckley to sleep. So, what does she do? What any normal grandmother would do. Right? Lean over and give her a big hug expressing her sadness for Emma’s pain.
Of course not.
She doesn’t even acknowledge her. Maybe she isn’t in the right state of mind. I’d suppose that would be my thought process as she is getting older and the Alzheimer’s could be worsening. Nope. I don’t buy that. Within 60 days of my brother and I painstakingly moving into her independent living facility, she already has a boyfriend. Husband #6 in the making? Probably. Always looking out for number one.
Instead of looking at Emma in her time of need, she looks at me and tells me about when she put her dog to sleep. That she has never cried that much in her life. And, certainly, never for another person. NEVER MIND poor Emma is balling her eyes out. I hated her for loving that dog more any of us. And this is exactly why. My mother is completely oblivious to her own granddaughter’s pain but has no issue fishing for empathy about her pain. This accurately sums up my relationship with her.
Hello, McFly??? Lean over to your grandchild, put your own issues aside, and give her a damn hug. Why is that so complicated? It must be because you are a self centered, narcissistic, vain, unempathetic woman incapable of human emotion nor human compassion.
No wonder I don’t get you. I tend to be human. You know. The kind with emotions and compassion for other humans. I have the innate ability to lean over and extend compassion to a crying child who is grieving for the first time in her life. Never mind my own grieving.
I walked out of the restaurant. I had had enough. I’ll go home and hug my own child and we can grieve together. We just put down one of our family members so that he no longer has to suffer. If only, we could put down those who cause suffering…
If only….