You’ve heard parents who say that.  “My child would never do that.”  Can I get an eye roll, please?  I need a drink. I’m calling bullshit.

I saw this pic on Facebook and it really made me think.  Where does the liability fall on children’s behavior?  I may not have actually pulled the trigger but I raised him to that point.  What he does from that point forward is his doing.  But what he did up until that point is MY doing.

If you never take ownership of your kids’ F’ed up moments, how will they ever take ownership?

Come on.  You know you have friends who have said this.  And, perhaps, even you have said it.  Me.  I can’t ever remember saying this.  How do I know?  Because I am the first person to look them in the eye and say, “What the F did you do?”  And depending on the circumstance, they get the full F bomb.  In my house, you are guilty until you are proven innocent.  I’m not one to hold back.  In life.  In parenting.  In dating.  In my blog.  And certainly not when it comes to my kids.  I can’t tell you how many times Lizzie has said to me, “Mom, do you have to cuss?”  Ummm.  Yes.  I’m an adult.  I cuss.  Ok.  More than others.  Get over it. Remember content over context.

One of my new year’s resolutions is to cuss less.  Not really.  Why change at this point in the game?  I’m rather content being just me.  Foul mouthed, honest to a fault.  Complicated me.  Perhaps, I’ll aim for 2 octaves less than my normal scream level.  That’s more doable.

Back to owning your child’s behavior.  I feel very strongly about this.  Your child will never own his behavior if you don’t first own it.  Or at the very least, encourage him or her to own it. People say, “Kids will be kids.”  I say “Assholes will be assholes.”  Curious, what are you raising?  My goal is to raise independent thinking, compassionate little people with a healthy dose of self esteem.  Not assholes.  Well…Robert, my 4th, is in the running but Richard, my first, isn’t.   The girls are definitely moody but certainly not assholes. Three out of four isn’t bad.  I’ve yet to see a major leaguer bat .750.  But I may have missed the mark a tad.  What can I say?  Ok.   Robert isn’t an asshole. At least not ALL the time, but he’s still a teenager.  He’s as sweet as can be when he’s asleep.

I spend a lot of time with my kids and their friends.  Having had a lake house for nearly all of their lives, we always had friends stay with us.  More fun that way.  Our motto was, “the more, the merrier.”  It was so much fun but getting there and getting back home was a lot of work.  Loading and unloading the car is laborious.  I spent more time yelling at my kids to help unload than I did just doing it myself.  Most of the time, kids (not necessarily mine) were eager to help.  Thank god.  It’s a lot of work for one woman.  But sometimes, you would get the kids who didn’t do a fucking thing.  Let me see.  They ate my food.  Stayed at my lake house.  Rode my jet skis.  Swam in my pool.  But can’t be bothered to help load and unload the car?  Guess who didn’t get an invite back?

It’s our job to teach our children to say, “WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP?”  Six simple words.  It makes a world of difference.  And, then, when you do offer, get off your ass and actually help.  You need follow thru; otherwise, your words are meaningless.

It’s also our job to teach our children manners.  Simple ones like greeting another human being.  Things like “hello”  or “good morning.”  I know plenty of children and teenagers who are incapable of a simple greeting. It makes me wonder why they can’t be bothered. If they can’t master the simple stuff like a polite greeting, can they handle tougher situations? Are they prepared or do they expect their parents to do it for them? With so many schools online, cheating is rampant. I hear story after story of cheating and then when confronted, the kids lie and some parents turn a blind eye. Oh well.  As long as your grades are good. Never mind how you got there. Ultimately, down the road, when your kid gets busted for something, and your response is, “my child would never do that,” I’m quite certain he did that.  Because, somewhere down the road, you turned a blind eye, didn’t correct him, nor ever made him own up to his behavior.  And you’re shocked when he gets caught.

Listen, kids aren’t perfect.   They mimic you.  If you can’t be bothered to correct them, then who will? Don’t be that parent in denial.  Don’t be that parent afraid to correct their kid.

Step up and be a parent to your child; otherwise, they could end up being an asshole.  And, wouldn’t you agree that we have enough assholes in this world already?

Photo by Tommy Chong

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