Thank you for taking the time to visit my new blog, www.painfulwisdom.com! As I said goodbye to my forties, I realized it was time to recreate myself, to evolve into a more peaceful person. The blog I started in 2015, www.jesusdivorceandoverforty.com, was written when I was suffering from so much unanswered pain. I had a short fuse and could go off any moment at anyone or anything. Trust me, it wasn’t pretty. It showed the very ugly side of me, of my trauma, of the past rearing its ugly head, and of the vulnerabilities I didn’t ever want to show. All of those blogs can be found by clicking the link above. A lot of F bombs in there so beware!

On many levels, I’m still the same person. Still honest. Still brash. Still unfiltered. Still real. Still have a big mouth. (That will probably never change.) I will still talk about anything that others are uncomfortable talking about. I’m just a tad older with slightly more wisdom. Don’t forget, I’m still a mother, a coach, an athlete, a blogger, a volunteer, an adventurer, an ex-wife, a real estate developer, a decent cook, and most definitely exhausted.

Like many women, I am also trying to navigate the divorce waters, keep further dysfunctional relationships at bay, and keep my sanity as a single mother with four kids. We talk about everything, but for me the process has been about learning to love myself—one hell of a monumental task, especially after 50 years of sabotaging myself.

I have come to understand that my incessant need to be loved and accepted has always been the driving force of my poorly chosen actions and reactions. Even after the affairs, the divorce, the sexual promiscuity, the prescription pain pills, far too much alcohol, and the quasi-attempt at rehab, I managed to beat the odds that were stacked against me. I not only survive, but thrive, in this thing we call life. I’m a true survivor of what I like to call “a Tri-Fecta of F*ckedupness”: childhood sexual abuse, the betrayal of my mother, and the rejection of my father. So much for childhood innocence. All of those travesties still impact some horrible decisions I’ve made as a grown woman. I’m slowly but surely finding ways to turn pain into wisdom. I have a much better understanding of how my past trauma affects my everyday life. I trust some of this will resonate with you. The path to peace is paved with lots of bumps, lots of pain, and lots of lessons. Here’s to putting the pain behind us. All of us.

Through all of the pain, I have managed to create a successful business with my husband, (now my ex-husband), raise four healthy, empathetic children and seek therapy in an attempt to balance my emotions. That is also why I created my first blog, www.jesusdivorceandoverforty.com. It was an attempt to laugh a lot at my crazy antics, but grew organically over the past several years while my mouth grew to be more blunt. I talked about my adventures in and out of the bedroom, about taking on ice-hockey at the age of 33 (and eventually winning the USA Hockey’s National Championship), and about fulfilling a lifelong dream of playing tackle football. I’ve also opened up raw and very uncomfortable conversations about pedophilia, how to talk to your own teenagers about having healthy sex, and so much more.

You’re going to learn a lot about me and probably some things about yourself. Some conversation will make you laugh until you double over and some will make you really uncomfortable. For you, I create an open and safe portal to talk about whatever you want and own your story, just like I do. We’ll talk about how NOT to repeat the mistakes over and over again. How to help your kids open up and your friends. Above all, we’ll talk about striving to be better people.

Whatever you do, make a difference. OH and sign up below for my updates . . . they are sure to keep you entertained or, more appropriately, shocked most of the time.