How is it one can be so strong in every area of their life but the major one? And, how are you supposed to meet anyone when you only hang out with your children and other married couples? And your single friends come and go like the tide rolling in and out every day and night. The monotony is so predictable. But I’m picky and I would NEVER settle. Unlike some people I know.
AHHHHHH I know…
Tinder. Match. Bumble. Tumblr.
So many choices. Not to mention the paid love connectors. One of the paid places keeps calling me. They want $15 GRAND to hook me up with my second divorce. Ummm. No thanks. And they won’t even show me a picture before the first date. “We find that doesn’t help.” So, I’m supposed to trust someone to search the world wide web for me on my behalf to find my perfect love. They claim their success rate is very high. I’m more curious about their impending divorce rate.
I’ve been on all of these online dating sites except Tumblr. Just not enough time.
As I swipe left FAR MORE than right, I come to realize that these guys need help in setting up their profile. There has to be a company that does that? Or, at least, a good friend willing to be honest and say, “dude, your profile sucks!”
I’ve narrowed it down.
Here are the 7 main types of guys you see online:
- Mr. Beefy…ALL muscle…my guess is all of his time is spent in the gym
- Mr. Potato Head…ZERO pics without his hat on…could be hiding something…or nothing…
- Mr. WTF do you look like? …pics of all kinds of things…except him
- Mr. Material…nice house…nice car…nice boat…you must be in debt paying for all that?
- Mr. Selfie…What? No friends available to take a pic of you?
- Mr. Married…no pics but no problem admitting to being married…shouldn’t you be on Ashley Madison?
- Mr. Group Photo…the only way to figure out who you are is by process of elimination…that’s just too much work…
Let’s focus on ways to improve your profile.
- No Selfies. Find a friend. Or better. Learn how to use the timer on your iPhone, let us, at least, think you have a friend.
- Get out of the bathroom. Especially when there are towels on the floor. All I can think about is my future picking up your shit cause you’re too lazy. Our first fight and we haven’t even met yet.
- Write a description. Anything. Nothing means laziness. If you can’t be bothered to share something, why should we be bothered to swipe right?
- Variety is the spice of life. We don’t need the same pose with 5 backgrounds. I get it. You have abs. Do you have any interests besides the gym?
- If you’re bald, show us. Bald isn’t so bad. Hiding it is.
- If you’re proud of your purchases, then put yourself in the pic. Otherwise, for all I know is you pulled it off of google images.
- If you’re 60, then show us a pic of you at 60. Not 40. It will take me all of 32 seconds to know you clearly misrepresented yourself. If that.
- If you’re on there for a hook up, admit it. Own it. I’m a big girl. Just want to know what I’m dealing with from the start.
Finally…BE HONEST. I love when I see an ex, a guy I dated or a guy I know. I just wish I could add my two cents to the BS they are selling.
If only…
So, gentlemen, this blog really is about you. Get it together and bring your A-game.
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