Twenty years and twenty insights of watching youth sports can teach you so much.
1. Your win loss record only tells you part of the story. A very small part.
2. Travel sports aren’t cheap, but the memories are priceless.
3. It’s common to tell your daughter to skate faster even though she’s on the soccer field. I’m sure you call her by sister’s name anyways. May as well mix that up too.
4. I don’t care what sport your baby plays—soccer, softball, football, hockey, dance, cheer, tennis—there’s an asshole parent on every team. Most are decent but we all know who the rotten apples are.
5. Every season has an end. Enjoy the little moments.
6. You will miss the smell of their teenage-infested body odors in your car. Ok. Not the smell but definitely the conversations. Well, those conversations are rare as we all know teenagers sleep more than hibernating bears.
7. It’s okay to roll your eyes in disgust when the opposing team plays “we are the champions” after their 10-1 ass whipping over your 8-year-old little babies.
8. Winning isn’t everything especially when you’ve stacked your team with ringers who have no business competing at lower levels.
9. Thank God for competitive play. Not everyone is Michael Jordan or Tom Brady. Beyond grateful we have levels that can accommodate athletes of all skill levels.
10. Please don’t tell me or the other parents that your kid belongs on a higher level than the one’s they are on. If they are on your lower level, that means they didn’t make the upper level. We can see right through your bs. So, please spare us.
11. My favorite part about youth sports is that it is pure and innocent and that you can’t buy your way on the team. Until…well…it happened. Thank you for ruining youth sports with your check. Oh wait, no, it’s not you. You’re not the problem. The coach taking the check is.
12. Most athletes know their gear and what is weighs. So. If you grab your bag with all its gear, and it’s lighter than normal, then you have probably forgotten something. Shocking. If your kid forgets a major part of his gear, by all means, reward them by driving all the way home to get it. Guilty. Life lesson averted. Life lesson not learned. Want to see my shocked look?
13. Booing during a free throw works in the NBA but not when they are ten. Don’t be that asshole.
14. You will find more joy coaching a mentally challenged child than a star athlete.
15. When you think the game is over, you quickly discover that a strong mental game can turn anything around. Don’t give up even when all seems lost. I’ve seen this first-hand.
16. I’m not sure whose parents are the worst–hockey parents, soccer parents, volleyball parents, basketball or football parents. Or is it dance parents? I’ve seen Dance Moms but I’m not a dance mom so I have no opinion. But I’ve heard stories. Maybe all of us are to blame for our behavior during our kid’s games. Nah. Why take ownership?
17. A quick physics lesson. Sound bounces off the glass at the hockey rink. It doesn’t go through it so yelling at the ref while standing there is pointless. They can’t hear you but the parents standing next to you can because that’s the way sound reverberates. So go stand above the glass if you want to be heard by them.
18. When all is said and done, they all end up in the beer league with you anyways so stop acting like your kid is headed to the pros. Odds are they aren’t.
19. No matter how badly you want to go watch their intramural basketball game in college, you are risking being murdered by your daughter. Probably best to be risk averse for this.
20. Time to get on with your life as it’s going to be a few years before your unborn grandchildren will be playing. My advice is to go buy a horse and start playing polo.
